Unclean! Unclean!

While reading Leviticus 15, I was reminded of all the precautions and don’ts of our current situation and decided to put this out for a few laughs.  This is just for fun and in no way is it meant to disparage God’s Holy Word or the seriousness of this pandemic. I hope you enjoy…

Persons with COVID-19

Dr. Fruity spoke to the Americans and told them, ‘When any person has  COVID-19 in his body or even thinks he has COVID-19 in his body, or even might possibly have COVID-19 in his body, his body is unclean—whether his body actually has it or blocks it, he is unclean. He is unclean and must wear a mask and gloves at all times and never leave his habitation. He must wear the mask and gloves and not leave their habitation all the days that his body has COVID-19 and 14 days beyond that! If he does leave his habitation for unimportant things such as food, he must stay AT LEAST 6 feet away from other humans, and maybe even animals.

“Any bed the person with COVID-19 lies on will be unclean, and any furniture he sits on will be unclean. Anyone who touches the person’s bed must wash their clothes, bathe in water, and be unclean until the evening of the 14^th day. The one who sits on the furniture the person with COVID-19 sits on must wash their clothes, bathe in water, and be unclean until the evening of the 14^th day. The one who touches the body of the person with COVID-19 must wash her clothes, bathe in water, and be unclean until the evening of the 14^th day. If the person with COVID-19 forgets his mask and spits on a person who may or may not be infected, that person must wash her clothes, bathe in water, and be unclean until the evening of the 14^th day. Any means of riding the person with COVID-19 rides in or on will be unclean. Anyone who touches anything that was under him will be unclean until the evening of the 14^th day, and the one who carries those items must wash his clothes, bathe in water, and be unclean until the evening of the 14^th day. Anyone whom the man with COVID-19 touches without having rinsed his hands for AT LEAST 20 seconds in soap and water must wash his clothes, bathe in water, and be unclean until the evening of the 14^th day. A clay vessel that the person with COVID-19 touches must be broken and any wooden utensil must be rinsed in water for AT LEAST 20 seconds. All this must be done if soap can be found…”What if no soap can be found??? Dr. Fruity has not provided that piece of wisdom!

Purity Regulations for the Person Who Has Recovered

Dr. Fruity further instructed that when the person with COVID-19 becomes clean from his COVID-19, he is to count off for himself 14 days for his purification, and he must wash his clothes, bathe in fresh water for AT LEAST 20 seconds, and be clean, provided he can find soap with which to bathe. Then on the 15th day, he is to take for himself an offering, and he is to present himself before the authority at the entrance of the meeting tent of testing. So the authority is to test him to ensure that he is clean from COVID-19 and give him an app on his phone and vaccinate him because, without these items, he will be unable to shop and work.

Summary of Personal Purification Regulations for COVID-19

Thus, Dr. Fruity instructed, “You are to be set apart from your impurity so that you do not defile the environment or other people near whom you live. You must also refrain from work and supporting businesses for as long as possible so that we can put the country in so much debt you will be forced to depend on us. This is the law of the one with COVID-19, the one who has COVID-19 and becomes unclean by it.”

Purity Regulations for Businesses

Dr. Fruity further instructed that all businesses must take extreme measures to protect their employees and customers from exposure to COVID-19, at all costs. Every person who must conduct business in person shall keep AT LEAST 6 feet away from any other person. A business that serves food shall not permit any person to sit inside or outside, even if they are 6 feet from any other person. Any store, restaurant, or other business that the person with COVID-19 enters or in which that person touches anything shall be unclean and must be purified with disinfectant of all kinds, if it can be found.  If the disinfectant cannot be found, the business must lock its doors until the evening of the 14^th day…

We could go on and on, but I think this has gone on long enough…

Have a blessed day and keep your hands clean and your face covered.

Until the next time…May the LORD bless and protect you…May He give you Shalom. (Numbers 6:24-26)

Bill